Just Keep Swimming

I recently lost my virginity, well technically not since I was date raped freshman year at a Fraternity, but since I was unconscious I liked to consider myself a virgin.  Not anymore!  His name is Dipak.  We were drinking.  We were not dating. His roommate and good friend is in love with me.  OR at least he really acts like it. But his roommate is not who I have feelings for.

I was always attracted to him. Sex wasn’t in my plans for that night.  But the feelings are there, and it was the most passionate experience I’ve ever had in my life.

BUT we were stupid and we couldn’t stop ourselves.  I’ve never experienced such a strong feeling in my life, and we did it.  Without a condom.

I took the morning after pill 2 days later, (yesterday) and bawled for hours.  He knew I was having a hard time.  So he showed up at my door and gave me the biggest hug, and didn’t let go for a very long time.  He knows about the date rape.  He knows losing it was special. His hugs, kind words, and kisses to my forehead…That was all the comfort I needed to know I would be okay. The past is the past.  It’s time to look forward to the future.

We are finishing up finals here at school, I was medically withdrawn from half my classes so I’m done. Pretty much anyways.  He’s been working on a paper all day. I miss him. Lust and love are two very different things.  Things I am having a hard time controlling right now.  Who knows what will happen in the future.  All I know, is my damn cat is meowing up a storm so I’m going to go cuddle for a while. BuhByes!

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