It’s not you, it’s me.

Well last night sucked.

I owe the school $1800 before I can come back.  So that was a reason to drink. Even though I already wanted to go to karaoke and watch all the drunk people sing.

Abhinov and I hung out, which was fun.  I always have a good time with that kid. 

Until he told me that Amy was staying with Dipak, and that was in fact who Kelsey saw him with. 

You think you’re over someone, and then it hits you that you’re really not.  

Another reason to drink.

Well Aziz came out with us.  He is such a sweetheart.  I’m attracted to him for lots of reasons. 

Abhinov went home around midnight, leaving the two of us together. 

Kissing happened.  But so did hand holding.  

Handholding is so nice.  Sometimes you just want that gentleness, and it’s romantic when a guy actually wants to hold your hand…especially in public.  

We ended up going to the pickle for bar close and dancing.  He’s a good dancer 😉

Then he drove me home.  We kissed in the car…for a while.  

THEN he decides to tell me that we are only friends, and he has a girl he really likes but she is in love with Saud…his best friend.  So he wants to wait for her. 

He said…”It’s not you, it’s me”

I slammed the door and left.

Then proceeded to cry for 2 hours almost.  And not just cry, I mean bawl.  

I am so tired of coming second to everyone.  Of being an option, or a “good time” on the side of what they actually want. 

I feel so useless. Used. Sad. I feel like garbage. 

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