Good times :)

Well Valleyfair was awesome, I love my siblings so much.  I would literally do anything for them.  the three of us enjoyed ourselves, even when it started raining and we had to hide in the restaurant and then the gift shop.  Ended up buying a new $40 Roxy purse, love it, and a Billabong shirt that says party wave.  Of course, its a picture of a wave, drunk, with solo cups around it. Haha whaaattt? Also bought a Ted poster-picture below 🙂

So many rides, so much screaming, so little voice I had left 😉

Going to VALLEYFAIR today :)

Well that was a bust.  Sam is overdramatic.  Love the kid to death but I couldn’t date him.  At work, bought the new guy Layne lunch from JJ’s,  I said “aww that’s cute!”  His response, “yeah, he can just pay me back or buy me lunch tomorrow” My response, “Haha you bring the candles, he’ll bring the food”

His response, to run to the boss and say our whole lunch table sexually harassed him.

Dick.

Anyways,  Still talking to Eric a lot, hasn’t gone anywhere other than texting a lot.

Tony from work and I hooked up the one night at Mikaylas bar, but he is so shy.  So am I.  If neither of us make a move I doubt we’re going anywhere either. 

Aziz is an option again,  but last time I tried with that he was in love with another girl.

Boys suck, I’m switching to vaginas.

I owe so much money it’s not even funny.  I feel like I’m drowning in debt.  I’m kind of glad I’m at my parents so I don’t do anything stupid.  Suicide always seems like the easy way out. Sigh.

Pops is LOVING my stepmoms cat, Roxy.  They HATED each other at first.  Now they are inseperable.  We gave them a couple nickname 😛 PopRox! (Pop rocks if you didn’t get it)

Well, I gotta go get ready,  The two stepsisters and I are making a trip to Valleyfair!  Yaay sister bonding!! ❤

 

Time for an update!!!

So, I date Bobby from work for a while.  WELLL  Let’s add his name to the list of d-bags.  Bailed on me a few times,  treated me like crap at work and made me cry, and then I find out he’s renting the room I was kicked out of.  Yup, relationship over. 

Now Sam, another guy from work is in the picture.  Along with this guy I met in Boyceville who is friends with one of my good friends, Barb.  His name is Eric.   We shall see.  So far, I really like Sam but I’m the girl looking for a relationship + a good time.  He’s the guy who seemingly is just looking for a good time.  BUT  I am horrible with reading people so who the bloody hell knows.  As for Eric,  he’s really nice, kick ass, and lives in town. Seems to want the real deal, not just messing around. Not sure where that one would go. 

Enough with men. 

I am at my dads house for now, but Kelsey and I may have found an apartment 🙂  Just gotta figure shit out and save up some money! 

One of our family cats, Azia, died last night.  She had diabetes.  I cannot tell you how heartbreaking it was to hear my stepmom telling me they went to visit her and my little brother brought the plastic mat that he would place on the end of his bed and she used to sleep on.  He cried, they all cried.  Ugh.  Then, a few hours later Lynn gets a call at work saying Azia had been having trouble breathing and wasn’t doing good, so the vet picked her up and started petting her.  She stopped breathing then. 

Heart is broken.

Definitely cuddled my cat all night. 

On a different note,  might be getting a second job at the coop, the lady is literally begging me to come work for them haha  since I didn’t answer her voicemail she started emailing me instead. 

Enough updates for now,  I have a killer cold and I feel like death.

Well after a fun fulfilled weekend off….which consisted of slicing my finger while washing my blender, getting bit by my cat when I was trying to brush him, and some horrible tasting Chinese food…I’m ready to go back to work….I guess.

Oh, and I’m going to the movies in two hours, and then possible going on a date tonight and seeing another movie.  Yaay me? 😉

“Ricky Bobby”

Oh Bobby,  he is the guy that did overtime with my shift a couple times.  Well, he showed up at my house to say good bye to me before I left for Rockfest.  Was a major sweetheart about it, and told me to get ahold of him Monday when I came back.  Monday was also my birthday I might add. 

Well Rockfest happened.

Then Monday I was severely sick and all that jazz.  Couldn’t make myself anything to eat, so Bobby told me he was coming over to help out.  

This guy, shows up at my house with a bag of groceries.  Asks me if I’ve gotten any birthday cake or anything.  I said no, and he whips out a big birthday cookie that he apparently helped make.  

He cooked me a pesto noodle dish, zesty italian chicken, and spiced and buttered green beans.  

It was so good 🙂

Then he held a lighter over the cookie since he forgot candles and made me make a wish. 

It was all sweet.  

We watched two movies, but during the second one started a makeout session. 

Kisses led to being carried to my bed. 

And the rest, I’m sure you can imagine. 

ROCKFEST!!!!

SO usually I’m all, what happens at Rockfest stays at rockfest.  But this is anonymous so what the hell.  Plus, things weren’t as crazy as they normally are.

So I camped with my coworker Kenny, his aunt, uncle, and some of Kenny’s friends.  And of course, my moose came as my birthday present. That was awesome.

First off, I got dropped off wednesday night after we set up camp since Kelsey had to work thursday.  Totally fine, she could show up after work.  But, thursday morning was death.  Around a hundred degrees by 8am. Whattttt?  So I melted in my tent.  I drank a half of one of those HUGE containers of gatorade, but it was warm.  And warm liquid doesn’t really do jack for heat and dehydration.

I put some blankets behind the tent in what little shade we had, and started reading my book.  Let’s just say after a hundred pages my eyes hurt a little and I fell asleep.  Well, when I woke up, I was purple due to there no longer being any shade. Whoops.  I burnt myself THAT badly, on the FIRST morning before even going to ANY concerts.  Haha, fail!

Kenny is just a crazy pothead fucker lol I love that kid, and his friends Water head and Nikka Pow…well they’re something else.  Both good looking I might add, but extreme pothead.  There was not ONE single moment that those three were not high.  They also kept disappearing throughout the weekend.  Who knows where they went.

Kenny’s aunt and uncle, Sandy and Cory, were fucking amazeballs.  I loved them.  They were sarcastic, had no filter on what they did or said, and were just plain great company.  I hope to camp with them again next year!

Moose.  My good old moosifer.  Things we did besides seeing amazing bands-had gigglefests in the tent where at one point I got nailpolish in my hair and spilled all over the tent and my pillow from laughing too hard, we ziplined upside down seven times costing us seventy dollars total, we made out in a swimming pool hardcore and may or may not be on someones cameraphone, we played drunk jenga with our neighbors and made out with quite a few people, I drove us to breakfast and couldn’t back up straight into our campsite causing Cory to laugh up a storm, and so much more.  I had so much fun with this girl. ❤

Our neighbors, oh lord our neighbors.  So. Damn.  Good-looking.  Like 5 guys camped next to us.  All HOT as hell.  One, Jesse, ended up being my Rockfest boyfriend bahahaha and we still are talking every day through Whatsapp.  He’s a sweetheart, a badass, and we have a lot in common.  It’s crazy.  Did I mention good looking?  Anyways, the hand holding and cuddling around a fire was honestly probably my favorite part of Rockfest, other than the amazing bands 🙂

Also, we were supposed to leave Sunday night during Motley Crue so we could go home, shower, sleep a couple hours, and then go to work by 5:30.  Yup, didn’t happened.  We decided to stay until 2:30, not sleep, go home and shower and go straight to our twelve hour shift.

On our way through Menomonie we saw what looked like a fucked up rabbit banging it’s head over and over on the middle of the road.  Turns out it’s a kitty!  We bolted out of the car and pulled a McDonalds plastic Sundae container off the poor things head.  We saved a kitty, no big deal 🙂

ALSO, I didn’t go to work that day.  I ended up being severely dehydrated from suffereing heat exhaustion, and having an allergic reaction to the malt beverages I drank.  I ended up being in bed for a week straight.  Going to work twice, and leaving early and walking the three miles home one of the times because I was throwing up.

Oops.

 

Three Days Grace 11:00 PM Seether 9:00 PM Halestorm 7:00 PM All That Remains 5:00 PM Aranda 3:30 PM

Korn 11:00 PM The Offspring 9:00 PM Theory Of A Deadman 7:00 PM Pop Evil 5:00 PM Nonpoint 3:00 PM 4th Floor 1:30 PM Bumblefist 12:00 PM

KISS 11:00 PM Megadeth 9:00 PM Slash feat. Myles Kennedy 7:00 PM Hellyeah 5:00 PM Warrant 3:00 PM Vaudeville 1:30 PM 7 Sins 12:00 PM

Motley Crue 10:30 PM Whitesnake 8:30 PM Skillet 6:30 PM Device 4:30 PM Otherwise 2:30 PM Dirtee Circus 1:00 PM

What is “Life”, baby don’t hurt me….don’t hurt me…..no more.

Well, it has been quite some time since I have been posted.  I have been SO busy.  It’s not even funny.

Dipak broke my heart one final time.  I’m still putting back the pieces but it has gotten a lot easier.

I made the tough decision to take a year off of school.  I REALLY wanted to graduate in May so I could finally be done and so I could graduate with Dipak.  No point now right! I will take a year off, build up some money, and finish my last year when I am all better. 

ROCKFEST!  I will make a blog just for that after 😛

I was supposed to go to WeFest this weekend to bartend, but right as a I was packing and waiting for my ride my landlord showed up at my window.  My WINDOW.  She told me I was being kicked out.  My new roommate Cody is fucking weird as all hell, and apparently I play my music too loud, play video games too loud with friends, I let a dog in the house for a few hours, and some other dumb reasons.  Oh well.  I bawled about it all night.  I had just come from work where I had a rough day.  People were picking on me like usual, it’s just what we do.  It’s who I am.  We talk shit to each other all the time and it’s funny and totally fine.  But yesterday I just couldn’t handle it.  I dropped two barrels on the ground and started crying.  Good thing I was working in a secluded area. Anyways.  I bawled all night about being a failure. Then Kelsey came over and told me we were going to get a house together. Me, her, and Bobby.  Bobby is yet another blog of his own 😉

To be, or not to be. That is the question.

I’ve had two suicide attempts in my life.  I slit my wrists, and then I overdosed on different pills.

Clearly, it didn’t work out the way I had wanted it too.

I still think about it a lot.  It’s hard to keep going in life.

I’m broke.  I owe thousands of dollars for school, including $1800 before September.  Not going to happen…

I lost my virginity to Dipak, and then slept with Saud.  Now I just feel like a useless whore that nobody really wants anything with.  I’m ready to find that someone, I’ve always wanted to get married young.

I’m unattractive.  I used to be.  I’m not anymore. I can’t stand looking in the mirror.

School is getting worse and worse for me.  I have no motivation anymore.  My grades have slipped and my gpa is at a 2.6.

My sister was a straight A student.  She was in psychology, but still.  My dad and stepmom praise the ground she walks on.  I feel like I’ve failed everyone.

I just hate myself.  I feel selfish.  So many people would kill to have what I have.  People are dying, and here I am complaining about everything.  I just don’t want to be here anymore.  I really don’t.  What the hell is the point.

Hopefully things change for me.  We’ll see…

It’s not you, it’s me.

Well last night sucked.

I owe the school $1800 before I can come back.  So that was a reason to drink. Even though I already wanted to go to karaoke and watch all the drunk people sing.

Abhinov and I hung out, which was fun.  I always have a good time with that kid. 

Until he told me that Amy was staying with Dipak, and that was in fact who Kelsey saw him with. 

You think you’re over someone, and then it hits you that you’re really not.  

Another reason to drink.

Well Aziz came out with us.  He is such a sweetheart.  I’m attracted to him for lots of reasons. 

Abhinov went home around midnight, leaving the two of us together. 

Kissing happened.  But so did hand holding.  

Handholding is so nice.  Sometimes you just want that gentleness, and it’s romantic when a guy actually wants to hold your hand…especially in public.  

We ended up going to the pickle for bar close and dancing.  He’s a good dancer 😉

Then he drove me home.  We kissed in the car…for a while.  

THEN he decides to tell me that we are only friends, and he has a girl he really likes but she is in love with Saud…his best friend.  So he wants to wait for her. 

He said…”It’s not you, it’s me”

I slammed the door and left.

Then proceeded to cry for 2 hours almost.  And not just cry, I mean bawl.  

I am so tired of coming second to everyone.  Of being an option, or a “good time” on the side of what they actually want. 

I feel so useless. Used. Sad. I feel like garbage. 

I’m lost.