whoops?

Well then.  

Last night was crazy.  

Kelsey and I were going to go to the bars, but turns out my friend Saud is going back to Saudi Arabia for a wedding and wanted to see me one more time be for he leaves.  So him and Aziz came over and we all drank, smoked, and had fun.  

A little too much fun.

Let’s just say Saud and I had a little deja vu moment.  And he’s a biter, my lip is swollen today!

Maybe moving on won’t be so hard after all.  Though I think I am just trying not to be lonely and think about Dipak more then anything.  

I snapchat a lot

I had a fire tonight, and a couple friends came over.  It was great.  I love sitting out at a fire on a warm summer night.  SO nice to just relax on my day off. Addie brought her deaf dog Penny over and I played with her so much that she just passed out for a good hour.  Then we all went inside and played the xbox for a while.  Rockband of course 😉

ALSO, I have only been working for a month, and I have already been “promoted”!!!!! As far as I know, the pay is the same.  BUT I am taking this guy Jordan’s job of doing inventory and warehouse stuff the first six hours of the day.  He is being moved up to back up PSA.  Which means if I stay at Phillips, I could be bumped up again in a couple months.  Hmmm 🙂 I like this feeling, but I got a few dirty looks from some of the older workers when they found out, but Jordan recommended me out of everyone there…so Shellie, my boss, offered it to me first. And OF COURSE I’m going to take it!!! I feel bad for being so happy, but I am grateful and excited 🙂

Also, I’ve been talking to a coworker.  I still feel guilty…but Dipak made up his mind….right? I still think about him a lot, but there’s nothing there anymore on his side.  So I am doing my best to move on.  As hard as that is for me, which really shouldn’t be this hard in the first place.

If you care enough to read my blog all the time, why don’t you just talk to me instead of reading about how I’m feeling.

Words cannot describe.

I am so hurt.  I thought I meant more.  I gave something so special, something I can not get back, nor give to anybody else. Why I gave it in the first place, I do not know.  It felt right.  Now here I am alone.  After being asked to wait, being told it would be worth it, that it would be so amazing.  Just to be left behind.  Yet again.  I’m tired of it all.  Just tired.  Caring about somebody so much, can take so much out of you when they decide they don’t want to care back anymore.

Sometimes, we do moose things.

My friends, Kelsey and Casey, and I decided to go out last night.  It has kind of been a girls week for me-trying to keep my mind off of things…

Well, we started off with drunk Jenga, somehow ended up blowing a condom up and it exploding everywhere, and then we decided to go through all of my halloween stuff and play a little dress up.  Which ended up in Kelsey going out in my naughty schoolgirl outfit, me wearing a mini skirt…with my wolf hat, and casey wearing my bee antennae and my belt.

It was a great night, if I say so myself.

And before anyone accuses me of drinking too much, I really don’t.  I have been going out to dinner with friends and having a drink with the meal.  Usually not even finishing it.  Sometimes I say I’m going to go out and drink when I’m feeling down, and I usually end up watching crappy Netflix movies and going to bed early.  

XOXO

I shoved a safety pin in my ear this morning-damn piercing came out and closed on me. OUCH

So it’s been my busy week, worked 48 hours and I slept for 13 hours last night.  Oofta did that feel amazing.

Well a couple things happened at work, first off there is this guy, Glen, who I talked about last time.  Well he never came back.  OF course if he ever decides to his ass won’t be let in the door.

Then, apparently it was hit on Lena day, because on Friday this guy Kenneth approached me when I was at my locker and slipped me a piece of paper and says- “Here’s my name and Facebook information.  Add me and we can talk about Rockfest, or you know, whatever we want.”

Awkward.

Then there is this guy Bobby who is from Florida and is cute with this adorable southern accent.  Well I had the hiccups Friday and he told me to hold my breath….then proceeded to tell me that if I faint, not to worry, because he will give me CPR.  I told him, you don’t give CPR when people faint.  His response?  I would like the practice anyways.

Nice pick-up line.

THEN there is Ed.  Who is cute, 30, and…married to a girl he married in the service so they could get money out of it.  They do not like each other. Ha.  Good decisions.  Well anyways, he hits on me every chance he gets, and honestly I don’t mind.  I would never pursue anything though.  It’s just nice to have SOMEBODY showing interest….after the whole Dipak situation.  Even if I haven’t fully given up hope.  He has two days before I am completely giving up on him.

So those are my fun getting-hit-on-at-work stories from the past two days.

No storytime today.

XOXO

So. Irritated!

My roommate, who is incredibly weird and so far everyone who has met her cannot stand her….ugh.  Well, she spilled spaghetti sauce all over my rug, and just flipped it over hoping I wouldn’t find out.  

I cleaned the whole house yesterday and when I moved the rugs out of the kitchen to sweep/mop, there was spaghetti sauce caked onto the floor.  Lame.  So after scrubbing the floor and letting it dry after mopping, I go to put the rugs back and holy hell my rug is COVERED in sauce.  So pissed!

I texted her asking if she did it, knowing very well she did, and she admitted it.  Said she was scared to tell me.  BITCH you should have been scared not to tell me!  I basically told her it was disrespectful and she should keep her distance from now on. 

Oh, and she has rats as pets in her room.  That the landlord said no to.  She better watch where she steps from now on.

Loving the pretty singing bird right outside my window-storytime part 6

There is this guy, Glen, at work who just got hired a week or two ago.  Monday he shows up reeking of alcohol, but we all decide to give him the benefit of the doubt.  Yesterday, he shows up and sometime around 11am he just disappears.  Someone went to the warehouse where he was working and couldn’t find him.  Ever since then he was missing!  We think he left/quit.  Who knows, guess we will all find out what happened on Friday!!

Hmmm storytime, what to talk about next.  How about stupid high school relationships?

There was Nick, who was super jealous all the time.  Broke it off with him and he pretty much sent me hate mail, then got over it, and would sometimes pin me against the wall when nobody was looking and force me to kiss him.  I was super small in high school.  I couldn’t defend myself worth shit, and never reported him.  Ick.

Craig, the guy I was rumored to have slept with that made me into a whore.

Rusty, the hot wrestler who had to talk to me 24/7 and know what I was doing. Nope, not into that.

Ricky, sprained my wrist once while dragging me away for talking to another guy.  Nope, not into that either.

Mike, we dated on and off for four years.  He cheated on me numerous times, the last time was with my best friend. I later found out he also had cheated on me with my OTHER best friend. He also has given me a bloody nose and pushed me part-way down the stairs, while his mother was in the living room. To name a few bullshit things he’s done.

Callan, the captain.  He was gorgeous, lived on a sailboat, and was very sweet.  Showed up at 1am after soccer games to give me roses as I was getting off the bus.  Apparently I like assholes because my feelings just weren’t as strong as his.

Josh, also a major sweetheart.  Same problem as with Callan. Sometimes you just need a boy with a little bad boy and jealousy in him.

Isaiah, my first love. Cheated on me and got the girl pregnant.  Asshole.

Psh. Men.

“My dog doesn’t wear pants, but it sure pants”

My coworkers think they are funny sometimes.

Drunk roommates, work, Chinese, and storytime part 5

I barely got any sleep last night.  Hannah my upstairs roommate woke me up by pounding on my door at 2am.  She was hammered crying saying she lost her keys, her phone, and her boyfriend Nate was mad at her.  Then all of a sudden he pops up out of no where and says she whipped her phone down the driveway and it wasn’t working.

They fight a bit.  I awkwardly sit around trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

Let me note that I am in an oversized t-shirt and my underwear and there’s is drunk people all over coming from bar close.

Nate asks if Hannah wants to stay on my couch or go with him.  She’s belligerant and he just leaves.

I felt so bad.  Hannah was wasted, but she also was crying and really upset about losing everything.  I understand just wanting a hug and being told it’s okay.

Well anyways.  She’s is bawling by this point and calls her friend Danny.  He shows up minutes later, and Nate returns.  Nate explains to Danny what’s going on and tells him he can go.  Nate and I try to break into the house, no luck.  then we look at the moon for a while and he takes her to his house.  So I got 2 hours of sleep.

So today was interesting at work.  I became closer with a few coworkers, Mikayla, Liz, and Jordan for the most part.  I work with some really cool people 🙂

I got put on packaging for one of my shifts, which is totally fine!  For packaging, you inspect the epipens for any defects, blow off any debris with the air hose, check the case for defects, put the pen in and place it in the box slot correctly, then fill out the paperwork, labels, and tape it shut and boom that’s it!  HOWEVER somebody in the warehouses packing the totes with cases to be checked…wore a GLITTER shirt today!  What is wrong with you, wearing a glitter shirt to a job making MEDICAL equipment that must be completely sterile???

Needless to say…Two other people and I sorted through over 200 pen cases…getting rid of EVERY SPEC of glitter. I changed gloves numerous times due to the amount of glitter sticking to them, and many cases were thrown out due to glitter getting stuck in the glue.

The day got significantly better though after that shift 🙂  Mikayla, Liz, and I had a lot of fun working next to each other for 4 hours in a row.  We were laughing so hard we were crying numerous times.  I don’t even remember why!  We were just having that much fun!

Then my last two shifts were my two favorite jobs to do!  So I ended work a happy camper today.

THEN Kelsey’s parents took us to dinner, again!  I really like her family.  Her parents may have trouble sometimes, but they all seem so close and happy.  And her dad and mom like me a lot, which isn’t really normal for Kelsey’s friends I guess?

No word from Dipak.

Storytime!

So I already talked about my eating disorder, beginning of cutting, and horrible grandmother.  So lets talk about more random stuff.

Hmm, my mother had a gambling problem.  She also found out she was bipolar after purposely overdosing on her antidepressants trying to kill herself.  She was sent away for a while, and I had to raise my younger sister for a while….which honestly wasn’t much different from usual.  My mom was addicted to gambling, drinking…and boys.  She would disappear days at a time.  Which is uncool because most times someone disappears on the rez, it is because they were murdered…like my cousin Jody whos murderer was never caught after she was abducted after working at the library one night or my friend Marvin who was pushed off a cliff.  My friend Karissa’s family did something to piss someone off and they retaliated by running over their toddler.  She is okay, thank goodness.

I won many awards in high school.  Numerous solo and ensemble awards for singing and playing the clarinet as well.  I was quizbowl captain.  I won awards every year I competed in forensics.  I won “letters” and pins and an award trophy or two for varsity volleyball and soccer.  I mentored a girl and helped her out of her depression.  I was on either honors or high honors every semester.  I taught an elementary class through a student program called kinship, I was a teachers aid for band, I played for a band-piano and singing (fun fact the guy now has his own company), I took precalculus independently (no teacher except during tests and exams) and aced it. I traveled to Seattle and played with the Bayfield high school band in front of hundreds of people.  I was nominated for homecoming queen twice. I was in the National Honor Society, And so much more.  I loved high school for the most part, I was popular for three years of it.  People wanted to be my friend, and I was nice to EVERYONE.  I hung out after lunch and sometimes after school with the “loser” table, because they were some really nice people who in fact were not losers AT ALL. I ate lunch with the jocks. My best friends were a mixture of people from every group.  I did so much.  I was so busy.  I am proud of all that I have done.

Meh, enough for now!  I’m sleepy and it’s only 7 pm.